There you are, returned to me at last. Oh how you’ve been missed beloved companion. You are restored; first young, then old. Come here to my side. You’ve come with love, whirling, swirling, pink and glowing. I feel your love, acknowledging you’ve missed me too.
Here I am above you, I smell and touch you with my mind only. Where are my hands?
How like you to press yourself lightly against me to reassure both of us are connected and one. How am I able to feel you, I have no hands?
I sense you pausing making certain we both are ready and one. I feel you binding me tighter with loving energy, urging me backwards, pulling me away from the light. Beloved girl, filling me with happiness, hope and oneness. I feel you, I’m with you, I’ll follow you back.
Back, back from the light; away from the Source, the One. She moves me swiftly back through the tunnel, returning me along the same path of nothingness. It’s happening so quickly, I can’t understand why I came so far and so close to the light, and why I have to return. I feel safe and trust Sandy but I’m confused as I don’t know why I have to return. I’m moving, returning against space and time. It’s as though on my return journey, all the dazzling light, energy and movement has frozen. On my return journey I sense space-time expansion stopped. I stay wrapped in the pink shroud of love and focus my attention on Sandy’s fur at the nape of her neck. It’s as though she’s willing me “stay focused down here with me Lisa, don’t look around”. I won’t be afraid, she’s got me. I hear nothing as I feel myself being led back. Beyond the pink whorls enveloping me, I see streaks of the darkest, densest, contracting energy like a menacing, sinister mass lurking at the perimeters of my journey. I feel as though, if we were to pause or I let go of Sandy, they would envelop me.
My confusion settles somewhat when see my beloved children again, yet this time their backs are to me as I my approach is on a return journey. I move through their bodies again, although less dazzling and expansive, and more solid. As I re-emerge from them, I realize that I am no longer expanding, becoming the pure energy and light; instead I am contracting and gaining mass. My body is returning, molecules, cells, blocks, fibers, bands, fascia, arteries, veins, meat and bones. I was light and now I am again mass.
Where did she go, my heart’s companion, my steady soul guide and faithful journeyer? Sandy, please don’t leave me, don’t say good-bye again, I miss you too deeply. Don’t leave me here.
I feel myself descending, eyes wide open, into the mass, the horror, and destruction. It is here, earth, humanity. For the first time I feel fear, anger, terror. It’s the darkness, the sinister mass lurking on the edges. The collective hatred and fear of humanity rises up to greet me. I continue to descend, to earth, out of the cosmos and through atmosphere. As I drop down, hurtling down towards I don’t know, my body I presume, I hear screaming, hammering, banging, horror and destruction. My ears, it’s so painful. I’m falling, falling, down. One last glimpse, one last hope. I see all of humanity; family, friends, associates, familiars, the faceless, strangers, and enemies all of us, all suspended in time save for the threads. Tight, long, short, thick, thin, tense, vibrating, loose, flacid, undulating, all of us have threads connecting us through us from back to front to back. We are woven together by a thread of light. There doesn’t seem to be an order or logic to who is woven to whom. I see people I know in this life who should be woven tightly together are not; daughters who should be woven to fathers and are not. Brothers and sisters as well as strangers woven to each other. No one notices the threads. Everyone is suspended in this web, oblivious to how they are woven together by threads of light. I catch a last glimpse of of my nieces, my daughter, and my son before feeling the last of my light fall into this corpse.
I am returned. I hear someone shouting my name, holding my arm, shouting at me “Lisa, don’t pull on this, it’s helping you breathe”. I feel my lips moving around an object in my mouth. I’m trying to make words and I’m gagging on something deep in my throat. I’m lost, I’m scared, I’m pain, pain, it is pain. I’m trapped in pain. I returned from light, beauty and love to pain and I’m alone.